Your self
Are you happy with your self? Fill in the questionnaire to find out what, if anything, you want to change about your self.
Download questionnaire (Right click and select "Save as/Save target as")
How did you do? Is there anything you want to change about your self? Spring cleaning your approach to your self will help you to gain confidence and enjoy life more.
There’s a lot in this section and in many ways it’s the most important. How you feel about your self will be reflected in all the other areas of your life. When you feel good about your self and treat yourself well, everything else follows.
Are you happy with your body?
I’m guessing most people will say no to this because it’s such an integral part of our culture to worry about not looking ‘right’.
If you don’t like your body as it is, is there anything you could (realistically and sensibly) do to change it so that you would like it? If there is, do it! If there isn’t, learn to love your body as it is. I know this sounds terribly trite but it does make sense.
The usual complaint about one’s body is I’m too fat. If this is how you feel, what do you think the reason is? First of all, are you genuinely overweight or are you aiming to be size zero (which doesn’t actually suit many people)? If the problem is real and not just in your mind, you might need to make some lifestyle changes and give your health some priority.
If you have a difficult relationship with food, let me recommend WeightWatchers. My sister has learnt a lot during the few months she has been attending these meetings and benefited enormously from the process. There is a great deal of practical advice given, as well as peer support and encouragement.
However, it may be that the inner you is compelling you to be fat as protection against some perceived danger. This has been my own case and I have found it impossible to override this inner force. If you share this problem, the way to address it is by dealing with the issue that's making you feel insecure in the first place. It's working for me.
A huge percentage of attractiveness comes from the inside. I know from experience that when I’m feeling low, nobody notices me but when I’m on a high, people smile at me in the street, open doors for me and generally treat me better. Either way, this becomes a spiral.
Do you treat yourself well?
Treating yourself well means looking after your body (keeping it fit and looking its best most of the time), respecting yourself and putting yourself first a fair proportion of the time. It’s not about over-indulgence or selfishness, it’s about knowing you are as good and as important as everybody else.
How does your internal dialogue go? Are you always putting yourself down? If so, stop it immediately! The way you talk to yourself is incredibly powerful and criticising yourself is the quickest way to undermine your self-confidence. The chances are, your inner critic was originally one or more of your parent-figures and it’s useful to remember that what they told you was not necessarily fact. It was their opinion and it may be completely wrong.
To a great extent, people take us at our own valuation; if you treat yourself well, it will encourage others to treat you well too.
Do you live for today, while keeping an eye on tomorrow?
Of course, living for today can be taken to ridiculous and sometimes dangerous extremes and I am not advocating a completely irresponsible and hedonistic lifestyle. However, in the end, life is a series of todays and if we spend our whole lives investing we will never reap the reward.
I’ve spent decades thinking, Once I’ve made a bit of money…, If I get married…, When I’ve sorted this out… and, meantime, life was passing me by. This endless until is a sign that you don’t value yourself highly enough and you need to give yourself a good talking-to and then start living!
Do you enjoy living in the real world?
If you feel the need for a lot of escapism and fantasy life, you need to make some changes in reality. In my late 20s and early 30s, during what I now refer to as my sofa years, I spent an enormous amount of time watching television and dreaming about how my life could have been, if only… There are times when reality is so painful that the solace of fantasy can be the only way to get through it. It may be fine for a while but the best thing to do is to change your real situation and live out your fantasies for real.
As it says in The Rocky Horror Show: Don’t dream it, be it.